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The Arrival at Grand Mirage Hotel, Tanjung Benoa, Bali

In Uncategorized on January 5, 2010 at 4:37 pm

II.            The Arrival at Hotel Grand Mirage

Setelah puas muter2, Pak Kadek dari Trapika Rent a Car mengantarkan kami kembali ke Hotel Grand Mirage, sambil tak lupa menitipkan salam untuk suami saya *penting gitu? disebutin juga?* LOL.

Kami tiba di hotel yang berlokasi di Tanjung Benoa ini pada pukul 14.00 WITA. Team HappyJus sudah standby di hospitality desk.

Welcome to Happy Jus Adventure Challenge

Kesan pertama saya, karna saya ini belum kenal mereka, dan mereka pun belum kenal saya sama sekali… (since I’m not a selebrity, nor the winner of this quiz), sambutan mereka… LUARBIASA!

Aura ceria tuh benar2 ditampakkan oleh seluruh anggota team. Tidak peduli apakah jabatan mereka direktur, wakil direktur, maupun karyawan biasa, mereka semua sepertinya melepas semua atribut jabatan dan totally bergabung dan membaur dengan seluruh peserta, tanpa pandang bulu.

Pertamakali salaman ama team yang dr even organizer setempat – Kristal Holiday – Pimpinan Pak Made (masih muda loh, tapi dah jadi pimpinan. Great!).

Yang bikin saya jingkrak2 seneng banget adalah karena ketemu team happy Jus yang pertama kali saya temuin ketika saya akan diundang untuk ikut adventure ini, ibu Holy & bu Ave… sempat kaget… Hey, as for you all to know,.. at the first time we met.. I think they are really-really really serious person.

Sumpah, tadinya mah ya… waktu ketemu pertama kali… tampangnya serius banget, apalagi bu Holy *melindungi kepala dari pentungan bu Holy* :P(wajar dong ah, wong Vice GM khan? hehehe).

Tapi disini… masaolohhh… ramahnya minta ampunnn… Tanpa kacamata,… dengan kaos kuning happyjus dan shortpants, plus sendal teplek… bu Holy terlihat sangat kanak2 dan imut.

Hampir tidak mengenali kalau saja beliau tidak menyapa saya dengan sapaan yang sungguh sangat hangat dan bersahabat. *ati-ati lebay* 😀

Ada bu Ave juga, yang cantiknya persis kayak Inneke Koesherawati, lebih cantik malah, soalnya yang ini look more sophisticated. Nah… that day, she was totally all out, and full smile too. Becandanya tuh lepas banget… really-really different dengan ketika saya pertama kali bertemu mereka di Citos dulu.

Kesan saya… Their hospitality warm welcomed was really touch my deepest heart.  Hebat! Team ini sukses mendeliver rasa sukacita kedalam hati saya. And of course to my daughter 🙂

Btw, selain sapaan hangat dan full smile mereka… kami berdua juga dikalungin karangan bunga kamboja putih yang indah dan wangi… Aiihhhh, sumpah… berasa Julia Robert dan Luna Maya banget deh, hahaha… Bedanya cuma, sini LM KW1…

Situ gak percaya yahhh…Kalo gak percaya coba aja liat,… nih, dipunggung saya, ada tulisannya… “Made In China”….

Ahakhakahakhakahkahakahakhakahakahkahkak…

Adohhh, jadi ngelantur kemana-mana deh tuh… 😀

Anyway…

Saya kebagian kamar 4480. Kamarnya lumayan besar, deluxe room with international standard of course… dengan twin bed yang sebetulnya cukup gede untuk saya dan anak saya kelon-kelonan, hehehe.

Ya udah, biar pada ngiri sekalian aku klasih foto2 kamarnya sekalian yah, plus kegilaan ibu dan anak ini berdua2an di kamar.

Ohya, lagi leha-leha dikamar, gak berapa lama tahu2 kamar saya ada yang ngetok. Kaget juga, secara belum ada satupun kenalan di bali, and gak ngerasa ngebooking pulak… kok ya bisa2-nya ada yang ngetok. Gak tahunya team happy jus nganterin makanan ke kamar 😀

(insert picture)

Aihhh, baik banget deh mereka. Thanks for caring that much yah mbak/mas panitia… 😀

Nah, setelah makan.. perut kenyang, hati senang… apa lagi yang bisa dikerjain selain tidur2an… Update status dong di twitter. Tujuannya???.. Ya Cuma pengen bikin elo-elo semua pada ngiri ama kita, hahahaha…

Bokkk, sumpah deh, baru kali ini jalan2 ke bali, tanpa harus khawatir tentang apapun juga, termasuk mikirin mesti ngapain, duit gue cukup apa enggak dsb…

So, Me and my daughter really feel like in paradise. Uhuyyy… 😀

Ohya, lagi asik2 update status di twitter (dengan koneksi yang byar-pet-byar-pet via gigibiru alias bluethooth hengpong :P), gak tahunya si perempuan pelangi alias Simbok Venus itu menelepon diriku. Gyahahahahhaa.. ternyata doi dah nyampe dan jadi penunggu penghuni kamar 4475.

*Penunggu?… lo kata hantu???… **keplak** * 😀

Kita cekikikan berdua sambil bergosip betapa panitia adventure challenge kali ini very-very-very well prepared… Dan satu lagi… MODAL BANGET!!! Beneran deh. Luar biasa pokoknya… (ini baru permulaan, the adventure is not started yet, but we already felt the increadible adventure since the beginning).

After cekikikan dengan simbok dan anak2nya yang ganteng2… (hai Kemal, hai Rafi :D), saya balik ke kamar dan nemenin anak saya berendem. Aihhh, seruuuu banget.

Anaknya berendam… emaknya foto2 dongggg… *teteup*. 😛

(foto2 menyusul, koneksi lemottt…)

Saking narsisnya, karena gak ada yg ngambilin fotonya,… as usual,… saya pasang timer 10 detik autoclick di kameranya. Cuma karena saya ini rada2 gaptek, kadang timernya ke set 2 detik, sehingga seringkali yang kliatan cuma punggung gue… pantat gue yang segede2 gaban… atau kadang cuma ujung rambut extention gue yang kalo diliat dari Monas sih rada2 mirip Luna Maya… (khan gw dah bilang, KW1.. “Made in China”, hahahaha).

Ah, sudahlah, nanti kalian mati berdiri karena ngiri sama eike… jadi eike akhiri dulu crita-crita soal kenikmatan hotel Grand Mirage ini yah… Nanti kita lanjutkan dengan cerita tentang adventure challenge trip ini. Pokoknya buat kami berdua,… this is the most beautiful increadible holiday ever. Thanks to happy jus team… and thanks to Virtual Communication comp. for choosing us.

Be Blesssed!

The First Day Of Happy Jus Adventure Challenge in Bali

In Uncategorized on January 5, 2010 at 11:14 am

 

I.            The Arrival at Bali Island

Saya berangkat dari makassar ke Bali dengan pesawat Lion Air jam 08.10, lengkap dengan perlengkapan lenong, secara, saya baru aja keluar dari RS. Liburan kali ini bener2 bikin saya langsung fresh. Aih, Tuhan kok tahu aja  sih ngasih kado yang terbaik untuk saya dan anak saya for this Christmas 🙂

ransum obat2an se travel bag sendiri :D nunggu di bandara

Saya dan anak saya tiba di bandara Ngurah Rai pada pukul 09.30 WITA. Begitu tiba, saya langsung mencari team dari happyjus, tapi ternyata gak ada… 😦

Awalnya sempat kuciwa juga tuh… secara, waktu dikasih tahu pertama kali, they said they will pick me up at the airport… Ternyata kok enggak???… Rupanya mereka standby di terminal kedatangan International, karena seluruh peserta pemenang lomba tantangan petualangan happyjus ini diberangkatkan dengan pesawat Garuda.

Wuihhh, keren banget gak tuh.

Diriku yang datang lebih awal, akhirnya bingung juga mo ngapain.Acara baru akan dimulai sore itu jam 17.00. Tawarannya, ikutan jalan-jalan dengan teman-teman yang udah datang lebih awal, atau blanja-blanja aja dulu sendirian…

Saya? Ah, pasti tahu dong saya milih yang mana… wakakakakakakak.. *buka-buka dompet* 😀

Saya dan anak saya lalu kukurilingan dulu ke Kuta beach, jadi turis lokal, trus foto-foto dong, ini hasilnya…

 

 

Kami dilayani dengan baik oleh Rental Car Trapika, sopirnya namanya pak Kadek, which happen to be my hubby’s ex employee…  What a nice coincidence 😉  Liburan yang menyenangkan 😀

Dari kuta beach, kami melanjutkan perjalanan ke Garuda Wisnu Kencana (GWK). Aihhh, keren juga tempat ini. Kata pemandu wisata disana… seluruh patung2 yang udah ada itu, nantinya akan disatukan menjadi patung yang segede patung Liberti di Amerika. Sekarang baru ada patung badannya Dewa Wisnu, Kepala garuda, dan kedua tangan Dewa Wisnu. Kelak kalo dah disatuin, ketika kita mendarat di bandara Ngurah Rai Bali,… yang paling pertama terlihat adalah patung Garuda Wisnu Kencana ini…

Wuihhh, ngebayanginnya aja udah bangga! Gimana kalo udah beneran jadi kenyataan. Yukkk, mari kita sama2 mendoakan semoga proses pembuatan patung GWK ini bisa sukses dan bisa jadi kebanggaan kita semua, Bangsa Indonesia.

Anyway, gak afdol dong yah kalo gak ada fotonya khan? Yukkk Marreee…

 

*pssttt… sambil mbayangin, supaya aura pengen nusuk2 saya karena iri, skalian tolong diingat deh… ini ghraaatesss sodara2… ahakahkahakahkahakak… *ngikik2 evil*

 

   

Back to this Adventure Challenge trip…  cerita dikit ya. Menurut informasi…  seluruh pemenang tersebar dari seluruh Indonesia, jumlahnya hanya 12 pasang, anak dan orangtua… Data pemenangnya bisa dilihat lengkap di website happyjus ini.

Mereka dipilih dari ribuan pelamar yang juga datang dari seluruh Indonesia, dan dipilih melalui seleksi yang cukup ketat.

Jadi, dapet undangan untuk ikutan trip ini tentu saja anugrah dari Tuhan yang sungguh luar biasa untuk saya, dan anak saya Aurel terutama.

God is Great… He is So Great. 🙂

Happy Jus Adventure Challenge in Bali : The Prologue

In Uncategorized on January 5, 2010 at 8:58 am

 

PS: Silahkan di skip kalo anda merasa tidak butuh bacaan yang menceritakan pentulangan yang luar biasa. But if you think you can learn something from this posting… then stay with me till the end. This is the most challenging and powerful empowering outbond we’ve ever had in our life, especially for my daugther.. and I think I should share this to you all… Hopely I can deliver the firing spirit as good as the real feeling I felt inside.

So, stay around guys…

* * *

PROLOG

Saya gak akan terlalu banyak nyebutin nama brand di tulisan ini, karena takutnya jadi terkesan jualan, dan yang terdeliver hanya kesan jualan itu aja, padahal sumpahhhh deh,.. saya sedang ingin  bercerita tentang pengalaman ruaaaarrr biasa yang saya alamin selama disini… di bali adventure challenge with happy jus.

Kecempulung didunia menulis dan jadi ‘ember-bocor’ alias perempuan cerewet tuh sebetulnya gak sengaja… Tapi setelah lama kelamaan… menulis justru jadi ‘hobby’, bahkan jadi nafas saya… Dan setelah saya tekunin,… wuihhh, asik banget ternyata.

Acara  ini contohnya, aihhhh,… mana pernah saya ngebayangin bakalan bisa jalan2 berdua doang ama anak saya ke bali,… tinggal di hotel mewah dan diurusin segalanya tanpa perlu pusing mikirin ini itu lagi ama orang lain…. Jalan-jalan ke bali aja udah asik banget… plus bonus gak mesti pusing mikirin harus tinggal dimana, mesti kemana, biayanya berapa dan kegiatan apa yang bisa dikerjain biar waktunya gak terbuang percuma… gimana gak happy coba?…

Didaerah wisata begini, time is not waktu, but it’s really really realy means money sodara-sodara, LOL.

So, semakin lama di bali, akan semakin banyak uang yang kita keluarin. Nah, kalo gak pinter2 milih tempat yg mo dikunjungin, akhirnya malah jadi banyak waktu yg kebuang percuma.

Di kegiatan ini.. sebaliknya, saya dan anak saya serta seluruh pemenang dimanjakan luar biasa… Kita cuma  tinggal datang bawa badan. Semua sudah disediain ama panitianya. Kayaknya udah diplanning dari jauh-jauh hari betul2, dan seluruh customernya yang jadi pemenang, benar2 diperhatikan. Salut!!! 😀 

Menurut saya, mereka adalah panitia outbond yang paling asyik yg pernah saya ikutin. Dan yang paling menyenangkan, panitianya berjiwa muda banget. Mereka sangat-sangat kreatif selalu menyediakan seluruh semua kebutuhan peserta. Eh, gak deng, salah saya… mereka bukan cuma memenuhi semua kebutuhan para peserta,… tapi mereka malah memberi lebih dari yang kita butuhkan.

Diacara ini, gak ada lagi yang namanya GM, Manager, Direktur, WaDir, ataupun jabatan2 yang nyebutinnya aja serem, apalagi kalo berhadapan dengan bapak bos dgn jabatan gini langsung, beuhhh, ditanggung pada jaim dan nunduk2 khan?…

Disini enggak… Bos-bos dengan embel2 jabatannya udah gak kliatan lagi, mereka melepas seluruh atribut2 “menyeramkan” itu, dan berbaur dengan seluruh peserta, baik yang dari internal perusahaan mereka, maupun yg dari external (para pemenang, penulis, dan advetisemen team plus krunya). Gak bisa ngenalin lagi org internalnya, mana yang atasan, mana yg karyawan biasa…  Hebad!!!

Yang saya rasain… seluruh panita sepertinya meleburkan diri… menjadi sama seperti anak-anak… dan mencoba melihat dari sudut pandang anak-anak, agar bisa menghadirkan kegirangan dan keceriaan ala anak-anak.

Tapiiiii… itu baru sebagian kecil dari yang kita alamin. Yang dirasain anak sayalah yang paling menyukakan hatiku… Buat saya… anak saya adalah segalanya,… the centre of my life!!!. Jadi yang paling utama dalam hidup saya adalah apa yang bisa bikin anak saya seneng…

Dan ternyata disini, masyaolohhhhh, anakku jadi berubah total!!!! Sumpeeee  *bentar… angkat dua jari, pose dulu… ada kamera lewat soalnya* :D.

Anakku, yang tadinya pendiam, pemalu, plus penakut, gak banyak ngomong pulak…  baru hari kedua, sudah berubah menjadi anak yang periang, pemberani, meskipun masih sedikit malu2. At least dia dah gak pendiam lagi.

Buktinya baru hari kedua, dia dah lebih sering beredar dengan teman2 barunya, ketimbang nempel di ketek emaknye, hehehe :D.

Barangkali karena pengalaman yang dia rasakan disini… spirit yang terdeliver ke anakku powerful banget. Dan ini pengalaman yang buat dia mungkin tidak akan pernah dia lupakan seumur hidupnya.

Kemarin waktu lewat di sepanjang kuta, foto2 dikuta, dan jalan2 ke Garuda Wisnu Kencana, anak saya bilang, “mah, ini kok kayak mimpi yang jadi kenyataan yah, waktu mama ama daddy ke bali kemarin, aku pernah berdoa dan berkhayal, kapan-kapan, kalo ada rejeki, aku pengen banget ke bali dan jalan2 ke tempat yang ada di foto-fotonya mommy and daddy.

Memang,… persis sebulan yang lalu,… saya dan daddynya jalan2 ke bali, berdua aja, for the first time,… merayakan wedding anniversary kami, and reviewing our marriage relationship,… selama 5 hari. Sehari nginep di Aston Kuta, dan melihat2 sisa2 bom bali di Legian,… trus 2 hari nginap di Kupu-kupu Barong resort and spa, yang tempatnya tepat berada diatas tebing, disepanjang Ayung River, tempat kami rafting kemarin 🙂 . lalu spending most beautiful 2 nights at Le Meredian Golf Resort and Spa, di Presiden suite room… sebagai compliment dari pihak hotel untuk suami saya.

Anak saya bilang…

“Mom… kapan yahhhh aku bisa jalan2 ke Bali juga???… jalan-jalan ke semua beautiful places spt yg ada di foto2nya mom and dad.. dan ngalamin those beautiful excitement, spt yg  mom and dad alamin”… ???

Lalu dia melanjutkan dengan,

“Ah, tadinya aku pikir masih lama, gak tahunya Tuhan tuh jawab doa aku cepet banget ya mom… “

Aku jawab,

“Iya sayank, khan Tuhan gak pengen biarin anak baik kayak kamu nunggu lama-lama, hehehe”. Dia senyum2 senang sambil meluk2 aku…

and She Said,… “Iya, Tuhan itu baik ya mah”.

Me???… Ahhh, apa coba yang bisa saya ungkapin kalo dada udah penuh sesak sama rasa haru dan bahagia… Cuma bisa bersyukur dalam hati… 🙂

Yes, God is Great… He is so Great.

For my daughter… this adventure already crave the most beautiful memory in her mind. For her… this is the most amazingly sophisticated unforgettable adorably challenging adventure she has ever had.

Aih, sumpahhhh… only in one day, my daughter transformed to be the most brave happy little girl she was ever be…

Yang tadinya pemalu, takut-takut, gak berani bicara, sekarang berubah jadi gadis cilik yang tidak lagi pemalu dan mulai berani bicara dengan lantang, terutama kalo ketemu orang banyak.

Panitia Happy Jus Adventure Challenge ini berhasil mendeliver aura positif pada anak-anak dan seluruh peserta adventure challenge ini.

Mo ikutan serunya tantangan outbond kali ini? Wait for the next post yah…? 😉

I don’t Love You Anymore…

In Uncategorized on August 10, 2009 at 8:33 pm

LET’S say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s — gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny — have for the most part come true.

Christopher Silas Neal

Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.

Here’s a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn’t hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn’t happening. She doesn’t “reward” the tantrum. She simply doesn’t take the tantrum personally because, after all, it’s not about her.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying my husband was throwing a child’s tantrum. No. He was in the grip of something else — a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way I’d responded to my children’s tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.

So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”

Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.

Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

My husband hadn’t yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along. But his new endeavor hadn’t been going so well, and his ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He’d been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our family.

But I wasn’t buying it.

I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?” he said.

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”

Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?”

“How can we have a responsible distance?”

“I don’t want distance,” he said. “I want to move out.”

My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I stopped myself. I would not suffer.

Instead, I went to my desk, Googled “responsible separation” and came up with a list. It included things like: Who’s allowed to use what credit cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who’s allowed keys to what?

I looked through the list and passed it on to him.

His response: “Keys? We don’t even have keys to our house.”

I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re going to make me go into therapy. You’re not going to let me move out. You’re going to use the kids against me.”

“I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance you need … ”

“Stop saying that!”

Well, he didn’t move out.

Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual six o’clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July — the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks — to go to someone else’s party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He didn’t even wish me “Happy Birthday.”

But I didn’t play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: “Daddy’s having a hard time as adults often do. But we’re a family, no matter what.” I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.

MY trusted friends were irate on my behalf. “How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!”

I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m a pushover. I’m weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I’m probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I’m not. I load 1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a Caesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.

I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband’s problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn’t happen.

Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.

I had good days, and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.

Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it, or not — it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much. And we were.

And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To love me. To fight for what we’ve created. You can bet I wanted to.

But I didn’t.

I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.

And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn’t mow his lawn if he’s going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the future.

It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”

He was back.

And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.

When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: it’s not a spouse or land or a job or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out, and think they can escape.

My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.

But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.

—————————————————–

Laura A. Munson is a writer who lives in Whitefish, Mont.

Taken from here

I Want Divorce

In Uncategorized on May 29, 2009 at 8:38 am

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked.

“I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:

” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered:

“Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?”

He said:” I will give you your answer tomorrow….”

My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes….

My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..”

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading…..

1. When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

2. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

3. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way back home.

4. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your Tummy.

5. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

6. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

7. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face…

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die..

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting…and as I continue on reading…

“Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk…

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread…. Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

That’s life, and love.

When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. .flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands.. and that’s our life..

Love, not words win arguments. 🙂

taken from here

Hold My hand…

In Uncategorized on May 20, 2009 at 6:38 am

This story reminds me about friendship and any kind of relationship.

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,

‘Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.’

The little girl said, ‘No, Dad. You hold my hand.’

‘What’s the difference?’ Asked the puzzled father.

‘There’s a big difference,’ replied the little girl.

‘If I hold your hand and something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.

But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,  you will never let my hand go.’

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours…